Story Your Crazy

The cure for most things: find your people

“The parts of me that used to think I was different or smarter or whatever, almost made me die.”
― David Foster Wallace

“If you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”
― Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper

Photo by Alex Ivashenko on Unsplash

We can’t ever be alone.

Let’s start there. It’s not possible to actually be alone. What is possible is to FEEL alone. We can feel isolated and apart from. We can feel outside. We are capable of loneliness.

So what is the source of that feeling? For me (obviously) it comes down to a story. It is something that I tell myself and something I believe. It is a story that I’ve categorized as “what is so.’” This is not to say that stories aren’t real. This is to say that reality is comprised of certain stories that you categorize as real. Its simply a collection of stories: we need to pay taxes, the sky is blue, this is my car, I love ice cream. All stories that have been grouped together as real.

Feelings of isolation, difference, loneliness and separate are responses to stories as well: I don’t belong, I am strange, I am not like them, they get along, they like each other, they don’t understand me.

If you agree with me so far, then you might be open to trying something.

The feeling of not being a part of a group can be dropped once we find our group. And much like choosing a best friend, you can also choose your group as yours. It’s not about being brave or daring or taking risks (though all of those qualities are helpful), ultimately it really comes down to making a choice.

And I choose my crazy.

My crazy is what makes me different from “normal” people. My crazy is what can be considered an illness, condition, malady, aberration or deviance. If you’d like to try this approach, ask yourself “What is wrong with me?” And then make a list.

Next, I try to pathologize my crazy. How exactly am I neurotic, and is there a name for this? Are there other people who have this condition? What would a doctor call this? What about a psychotherapist? What about a priest? Am I suffering from addiction? From Existentialism? From Hashimoto’s thyroid disease? From unprocessed grief? Try to name it. This is the title of the story.

Once you have a title, the rest is easy. If you have a good title, an accurate one, you can then try to find others who use the same title. This process might make use of bravery or risk taking, but you can also do this quietly and without notice. But you will need to do something. You will need to reach out.

My crazy turned out to be alcoholism. I can’t say that reckless use of alcohol shows up much in my biography, but the crazy sure does. The underlying “disease” is definitely there. And thankfully, I decided to go to a meeting and find my people.

Photo by Papaioannou Kostas on Unsplash

For it it was immediate because I identified with everyone there. This is the gift of certain groups of crazy, some of them encourage identification. Other groups might have barriers of a clinical diagnosis or the alignment of a specific symptom, but I wouldn’t let that stop you. Once you find a group that has other people like you, then they are your group. Done. You found your people. WE all have chronic fatigue. WE all lost a pet. WE all can’t stop cleaning. This is my group of crazy.

Then story it.

Tell your story and listen to other people’s stories. Exchange them as often as you can, and listen for the similarities. Listen for the images and feelings that are familiar. For many of us, this will take some work. Many of us are taught to listen for inconsistencies and falsehoods. We are told this is how one stays safe when in fact, it creates more separation and feeling of isolation. Do your best to interrupt that tendency and listen for the likeness. Listen to recognize yourself!

And welcome all to your group. Welcome anyone who leans in your direction.

Listen to their story, and heal as you watch them heal.